What Heaven Is Like
by Miles Above My Head
Summary: Mal disappears. Natara remembers how they fell in love and their son Jared was born. Now she's raising him alone... or is she? Will something big change that? Will their lives become easier, or just more complicated and mysterious than ever? READ ON!
1. Mad World

**Another random 'writer's block' story I just wrote! Lmao I was trying to come up with something no one's ever done before, and I think this is pretty different.**

**Summary: Mal goes missing and Natara and her son's lives are forever changed. Until something completely unexpected changes everything. sure that's a great summary. Ah, I'll come up with something better! Shh, just read!**

**On a completely UNRELATED note but I must brag about: I THINK I GOT 100% ON A SPANISH TEST TODAY! XD lmao okay, read on.**

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><p><strong>Chapter One – Mad World<strong>

I'm not really sure when I first fell "in love" with him. It was more like a gradual fall. One day he was making me laugh and we were joking around as usual, the next I realized I didn't want to be with anyone but him. I guess the day I first admitted it to myself was my ultimate downfall.

We were walking out of the precinct after working all day together. We'd just closed a long ongoing case on a serial killer who was possibly connected to the original Maskmaker Case that brought me here. It got me thinking and made me realize that what I dreaded most was being sent back to the FBI. Of course, I'd miss my friends and everyone, but most of all, I'd miss _Mal_.

I imagine he'd pegged me as that kind of girl that doesn't get 'caught up in the moment,' but that day I regret to say that I did. When he took me to our favorite seafood restaurant and we stood outside staring up at the stars, I couldn't help it that my heart jumped into my throat when he took my hand. It was merely a friendly gesture, I suppose, but I felt my head moving itself to rest on his shoulder. He tensed up for a moment and then relaxed. I wish to this day that I knew what he'd been thinking, but I didn't for once: my profiling skills failed me, regrettably.

That was bad enough, and it would've been worse if I'd kissed him. I didn't though. Oh, the bad news? I did more. The worse news of all? I didn't regret it. Not yet, anyway.

I remember once, a few days after I told him I was pregnant, he suggested we move in together. That's one of my strongest memories of my years with him. Whenever we decided we would go look at a house we were considering buying, he would get called into work by the captain. No matter how much he tried to get out of it, she wouldn't let him. We never did get to see a house together. We'd laughed about it at the time.

It was about a month before my due date. We had a house picked out and we were going to move into it in a few days. We had a name picked out: Jared. We even had a dog picked out, to get once we were all settled in and were ready for him. His name was Sebastian and he was an older dog that wasn't very active anymore, but we were assured he loved kids. Life couldn't have been better.

Mal proposed. I accepted. Everything was absolutely perfect.

Right before we were about to drive to our new house and enter it for the first time together and start bringing our things in, Mal got called into work. It was an emergency. A little boy was kidnapped and they wanted him to go find him. I tried to make him stay: he couldn't go, not now. But he went. Thinking back, I realize he probably pictured the boy as the one he'd be the father of in a few weeks.

I got the call a few hours later: the boy was safe. I was overjoyed that Mal had succeeded so quickly. I asked Maria if I could speak with him since he wasn't answering his cell phone. I had to ask him when he'd be home. That's when she broke the news to me and I realized how broken her voice sounded. She'd just lost someone she was close to for a long time. An old friend…

Mal didn't come back.

He found where the boy was taken after being kidnapped, and his kidnappers said the boy would live if they could keep Mal. Knowing him, he accepted, picturing his little son in his mind. Picturing he was saving him. Not picturing the fact that he was leaving his son alone in the world with just his mother. Not picturing the fact that he was leaving his fiancée alone in the world to take care of their son.

He didn't come back.

_Dear Mal,_

_It's been a year since we assume you died. We're doing as well as we can without you, and Jared understands why you left us. He knows you were just doing your job, and you died heroically saving another little boy. He knows what happened and he knows you loved him, that you still love him wherever you are. I know you can never read this Mal, just know that I miss you so much. I wish you could be here with us now. I wonder sometimes if you can see us, if you're watching our son grow. It's almost his first birthday. We miss you terribly. What's heaven like, Mal? Do you get to watch us? Do you get to see the family you were ripped from far too soon?_

_We miss you Mal. So much. I love you. I still wear my engagement ring to this day. I have never taken it off. It's okay though, we're doing okay. I'll always love you and you're still very much my soon-to-be husband in my heart. I miss you._

_Forever yours,_

_Natara_

My phone buzzed from the table across the room as I finished up the letter. It had tear stains all over it, but I knew Mal would still love it if he could read it. Jared abandoned his toy trucks on the carpet and ran to pick up my phone. He paused for a minute then toddled over and handed me the phone. I imagined if Mal was here to influence him, he'd be much less disciplined. In some ways, I wish he could be more like Mal.

"Hello?" I said into my phone.

"Natara!" Captain Yeong said from the other end. This was strange. I'd abandoned my career as an FBI agent a year ago after Mal's disappearance to be sure my son would have a mother. She hadn't spoken with me since, not having any reason to call.

"Y-yes?" I answered, slightly worried.

"Natara, get down to the station _now_!" she half-yelled back to me.

"Uh Maria, I'm watching Jared. I can't just-"

"Natara, not the time! Bring him with!" she snapped quickly. "We've found him!"


	2. Familiar Faces

_Yeah so I don't even know what happened here. But I got a review on this story and it's from February, so I figure if someone cared enough to read something from that long ago, I should care enough to update. So here you are, an update on a long since forgotten but nevertheless very special story. I must admit, I was surprised I wrote something as amazing as my first chapter and the prospect of living up to it was quite daunting, but here you are! Chapter two of _What Heaven is Like!

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><p>He's unconscious.<p>

He's unconscious, covered in dried blood, coated in fresh blood, and malnourished.

But he's here; he's alive.

They are getting him into an ambulance in a rush, but I hurry over with Jared in tow.

"Mal," I whisper, tearing up.

"Who that?" Jared asks me in his choppy sentences he's been practicing. "He sick."

I pick him up and hold one of his tiny hands in mine.

"Jared, that's your daddy. See? You have the same messy hair." I ruffle his and he giggles. "And you have the same cute big blue eyes."

"I wanna see!" He squirms slightly in my arms. "Eyes!"

"I do too," I whisper. "I do too."

Five strained minutes later and after much screaming, I am cleared to ride in the ambulance. I leave Jared with Amy and give her Neha's number. Under normal circumstances, I would never let Neha babysit him. But he knows her better than anyone else. And I don't know how long I'll be.

There are more protests, but I hold his hand in the ambulance. It is rather cold, I must say. I try not to picture the fact that we're going to a *hospital*. I refrain from laughing at this; even when Mal's unconscious, he's comforting me.

The food in the cafeteria is amazing, I imagine. You'd think I'd know, considering I've been sitting down here for five hours now. I'll admit it smells great, but I can't bring myself to eat.

Eventually I decide to go back up and see him even though they said there is an extremely slim chance of him waking up any time soon. We'd done the impossible together before; why not now?

"Hello, Mal," I whisper, taking his limp hand. Even after only a few hours, the hospital already had him looking a whole lot better. I may just have to reconsider my great dislike of this place. "I'm back. I've missed you." A tear rolls down my face. "We've all missed you. We thought...we thought you were gone." I start crying harder so his face becomes a giant blur. "I should have known you wouldn't leave your unborn son. I'm sorry, Mal. I love you."

After a moments silence, a scratchy, worn voice answers mine, "Don't cry. I love you too."

I struggle desperately to clear my vision and his same, striking blue eyes meet mine.

"Mal," I whisper.

"You seem more shaken up than me." His voice is hoarse and I try not to imagine why, but I can hear his screams echoing distantly in my mind. They hurt him.

"Of course I am. Please never leave me again," I beg unfairly. "Please."

"My memory's a bit foggy, but I don't think I tried to leave."

I smile sadly at his familiar sarcasm.

"I've missed you so much."

An hour later he forces me to leave and get some food after I make the mistake of telling him I haven't eaten. My stomach also contributed, growling traitoriously at the mention of food.

I scarf down a small sandwich and then make my way back to the elevator. I step in and see a small boy run by outside the doors. Some parents have no control, thank God Jared was behaved. Although that might change now, thanks to Mal. I smile and as the doors close, I see a wisp of black hair as someone chases after the boy. I narrow my eyes but don't have time to investigate as the doors bar me from the outside.

"Mal, I'm back," I say, but see he has fallen asleep.

He is so weak and exhausted and I can't stand seeing him like this. They wouldn't give him large portions of food just yet, afraid he wouldn't be able to hold it down. Though if he had his way, I am sure he'd feast like he used to on anything in sight.

"Hey, Nat." He opens his eyes groggily. "I'm sorry. Did I doze off?"

"No, Mal, it's okay! You need rest!"

"I don't want rest," he protests. "I want to be with you. I want to know how you've been. I want to know everything." He screws his eyes up in concentration, trying to remember everything. "We were engaged, weren't we?"

"Yes," I smile. "Yes we were. And we had a house together and everything."

He looks so sickly and sad as he tries to remember every detail of his life before his tragic past month.

"I'm so glad you're home," I whisper. "We've missed you."

I gaze into Mal's eyes and know he's had his whole world ripped apart and given back. That sort of thing traumatizes people. We share the same devastated but relieved look until a little voice pipes up from behind me.

"This is the best birthday present ever!"

Neha winks at me from the doorway and then leaves the three of us alone.

I see Mal's grimace turn into a beam of pride when he sees his son, and I know everything is going to be okay.


End file.
